'Aanma'- Review

Dealing with the three themes of bullying, homosexuality, and depression ‘ Aanma’ follows the life of Eden, whose only confidante, Charu, convinces him to open up to a psychiatrist (Dr Zameera) so as to help him in his path of self- acceptance. He is not able to lead a vibrant life. With Dr. Zameera’s encouragement, Eden decides to confess his love for Dennis. Though Dennis is the only male friend who has ever been kind to Eden, he too fails to listen to Eden and understand him. Despite the occasional hopes for a better life, Eden gives up, unable to overcome his tormentors branding him as a good-for-nothing eunuch. Though shy and altogether different from the boys of his life, Eden’s outsider status means he has to repress his true self but can never really be like the others. In his room ( the proverbial closet), he keeps the scar- souvenirs of the outside world. A school farewell note to him by one of his classmates, kept on the table, reads thus: Your prancing moulded my womanly walk. Your bashful smile rivalled that of any girl! In his family photograph, he sits apart, lifelessly. Later, while proposing to Dennis, he seats himself away and beneath the other. All these represent Eden’s unpleasant and desolate life. His difference dooms him to ridicule from girls, abuse from boys and alienation from all.

Eden is self-effacing. He is also a skillful painter. But the bindi marks the aesthete in him. While Charu and Eden are together, he sets right the bindi on Charu’s forehead, who in turn, places it on his nose. It is the only honest, warm acceptance of his femininity and androgyny. His self- portrait wears this bindi with a pride he cannot feel in his real life. His brush paints him with it, at the hope of a man (Dennis), who will love him for who he is. Sleepless nights of painting help him be calm and to express his unacceptable realities. In his fascination with beauty, including that of Charu, is his admiration of femininity, that he himself embodies to an extent. Seeing so much colours around but unable to partake in it, his un-ironed shabby clothes mirror the dullness imposed on him, though they brighten up awhile for Dennis. Colours explode in his paintings, but they feature impossible dreams of finding a connection, rare instants of optimism and a general bleak and wistful mood. The call for prayer underlines his spiritual alienation and locks him within further damnation.

The haunting nature of bullying is shown by Eden who lives mostly in the past, with the taunts of eunuch echoing in his weakest moments. In addition to his behavioural difference, the growing awareness of homosexual identity pushes him in to feelings of worthlessness through overwhelming comparison to typical masculinity. Eden tries to find a last ray of hope even after being rejected by Dennis, but defeated, leaves a final note to Charu about his recurring thoughts of worthlessness. He repeatedly calls out Charus’s name, like babies calling their mothers, representing his vulnerability in life as a boy. In the mid- credits scene, Eden plays his favourite song, tries to give a farewell to himself, soothes himself as he hangs himself, his corpse wearing the bindi, his identity which was derogated and exiled, which he could not subdue or celebrate as the title of short film. Eden finds courage to end his life as he thinks death makes him complete and stronger than life.

@artemis